Take 2 ::click::

I haven't blogged in quite a while... I am going to give it another go.

I miss Mexico horribly today... maybe that is what led me back to my blog. I am not sure what brought it on, but when I walked out of work today I had the unshakable want to be walking through the east side of Agua Prieta on a late afternoon. Maybe it is because this morning in the Dave Ramsey FPU class, he used the example of coming to the pinnacle at the top of a huge hill on a bicycle. It was an example of working hard so that you can get to a point where you don't have to... but all I could think about was riding mi bici from the Centro Communitario along Aveneda 40 back to mi casa. Going that direction, there is a huge hill that you get to coast down... its really nice on the way HOME from the CC, but going there.... wow... not so much. At the bottom of the hill there is an unfortunate stop sign though. I believe it is right where the monsoon drainage ditch crosses the street (In Monsoon season there is a huge river across the road anytime it rains). Anyways, I am guessing that this was how it all started. I pulled out of the parking lot at work and found myself aching to be standing in Miriams kitchen talking about ways to prepare beans. While at job # 2 (cross reference "stinky gross restaurant") it turned out to be a wonderful diversion, as job #2 feels like a complete waste of my time more often than not. Even now my bedroom seems cramped... my room in Mexico was huge. Yes it had cockroaches and muddy water running down then wall... but it is where I want to be right now.

These are just petty things I guess, but I think maybe it has something to do with the greater idea of my experience there. I was doing something I believed in... sure there were things I questioned, but when it came down to it, I was educating others about injustice and encouraging them to confront it face to face... and in the process I was making friends whose faces I will never be able to erase from my mind. What am I doing now? Well I don't hate what I am doing. I actually really enjoy working at Express Customer Service. It isn't mundane- I get all sorts of random jobs to do... those special tasks reserved for those of us with graduate training in listening to people. I like that the hours are consistent and I have my own workspace. It is a positive environment for the most part and the people are fun to be with. Job #2 (cross reference: boss who needs anger management classes) is alright sometimes, but working in the exact same restaurant I worked in before I went to college... 10 years ago... doesn't exactly make me feel like I have accomplished much. Personally I know I have, but it is hard to remember that a lot of times. Job #2 (cross reference: the reason the Department of Health started inspections) is a screetching echo that I can't shake... the thought that I will never go anywhere in life. Just the thought of it makes me feel heavier.

I know that the above is not what is going to happen. I have a future and a hope... and not just in the "quote a scripture verse and feel better" way. I have dreams for what I want to be and do that have merged perfectly with what a friend wants to be and do... and long story short, after 3 months of dating, we are engaged and mapping out a life together! (There is definitely more to that story, but that isn't what this blog is about.) Having a ring on my finger makes me more confident... like there is someone who believes in me-that I can do it. That I won't be stuck in pointless jobs forever, doing nothing with my life. I suppose it has given me license to plan again. Ever since Fall 2007 when injustice ripped my vision of the future to shreds, it has been difficult to dream. Its like the dog that has been hit by a previous owner. You never hit him but he still flinches and backs away when you move towards him. Whenever an idea about the future begins to blossom in my mind, the rest of me shuts it down... partially because until the situation is rectified and I am able to complete my final semester of school, I am in a holding pattern. Partially also, though, because my faith in myself is crushed. I wonder if I ache for the past because it is safer... I already know how it turns out. Perhaps it is because I wonder if I can make it where I am and seek the comfort of a good escape.

God has used my fiance to show me how He sees me.... he sees good and beauty and strength in me that I feel are dead. He is honest and kind and strong and would not say things to me just to make me feel better. He knows everything about me and yet he still loves me... words cannot convey how blessed I am to have a God who loves me like that... and who has sent someone to love me as he does.

So life is completely different than it was last year. I am completely different. Returning to PA was the next thing and so that is what I did. Being in the thick of the same opposition I faced previously, however, is a chilling thought. The creeping doubt begins to linger. I know that I am not as I was before... the scars and callouses show that this is not my first time against this enemy... but I have a different view now. Maybe it isn't the Avenida 40 hill but it isn't what it was before. I have a very different understanding of God and how he loves us. I have a hand to hold when I feel like I am slipping. I also have a future and a hope... no matter what comes of this opposition.

And so with all of that I suppose I should get some sleep. While my heart lingers for other places, I know that this is where I am for a reason... and I would not give up what I have here and now for anything... and so I will tuck myself into my bed... under the same blanket I had in Mexico and hug the same moose (muffy) that I took to Mexico... but with thanks to God that I am here in PA, with daisies by my desk from my mother, daffodils on my nightstand from my fiance, and a dragon waiting to be slain lurking in the months ahead.

Passion and Purpose isn't just Mexico for me... it's life. I'm ready to try again.

Take 2 ::click::

Por tanto, puesto que tenemos en derredor nuestro tan grande nube de testigos, despojemonos tambien de todo peso y del pecado que tan facilmente nos envuelve, y corramos con paciencia la carrera que tenemos por delante. Hebreos 12:1

Late Night Thoughts

I am spending my Saturday evening in the Migrant Resource Center as I do every Saturday. At first I was hesitant about “giving up” my Saturday night. I don’t see myself as that sort of really good person who would give up there beloved Saturday night for some sort of service. I wasn’t all that keen on the idea in the first place anyway. The bottom line, however, is that there really isn’t anything else to do. I don’t have a car and so I am certainly not about to girly myself all up so I can hop on my bike and go to a movie or what not. And so I ended up taking the Saturday 6 to midnight shift, and here I sit in flip-flops, cutoff Camp Judson Sweatpants and a modified-to-fit CRREDA t-shirt.

It is an odd place to be after dark on a Saturday. I watch cards bump over the metal circles that form speed bumps as the roll through Mexican Aduana. It’s relaxing to be on this side. I don’t even give a second thought to passing into Mexico from Douglas, whereas passing into Arizona from AP can make even the most innocent person nervous. It is quite tranquil here at night. There is a little bit of rain falling at the moment. Besides the dripping of the rain and the revision bell occasionally ringing for random searches of vehicles, its fairly quiet. I just went out to the pop machine for my mid-shift diet coke. 5 Pesos later I have decided to shake it up a little and get a Fresca instead…. Sabor de toronja (grapefruit flavored). I feel like my extended family used to be really into drinking Fresca. It was a weird eclectic soda that you could only get at the better stalked Giant Eagle. Well call Mexico eclectic… it’s everywhere.

I love my time here in the evenings. It is an escape for me. I am mostly alone except for when groups of migrants come through. None of the foot traffic constantly coming by like during the day. Watching the people that walk by IS pretty interesting though. When you lookout the door here, you see everything and everyone that enters Mexico- on foot or on wheels. Just now a quad-cab beastly diesel truck with shiny rims and tinted windows bumped by. The next car? A rusty Honda with no bumper and plastic for one of the windows. The foot traffic is even MORE interesting, especially considering the night and time. Agua Prieta is MUCH larger than Douglas and so it has much more to do on a weekend. All the cool cats from Douglas doll up and walk across to the nearby clubs on the AP side. So in ten minutes of looking out this window I will see quite a variety. A mother and two children coming back from walmart hauling big nylon weaved bags of groceries and such, trying to get to the bus before it makes its last run for the night. Bethany, an American woman who lives in AP (who spent so much time on so many drugs that her mind has been scarred for the worst) walks by and asks for some change. She catches me up on what she’s been doing and introduces me to the puppy hanging out of her purse. The next moment some teens from Douglas walk by, dressed to the 9’s hair up, heels high and jewelry shining, heading towards Metropolis to dance the night away. After them a cluster of migrants who have spent hours in the holding area at the Border Patrol station, now re-entering Mexico in a strange area, in the rain and darkness… and then passes another expensive car with an impressive system- its bass shaking the very desk I am sitting at.

I don’t condemn any of these people for their lives or actions. This view I have learned to appreciate is an unexpected blessing. We each live our lives from different ends of the world, rarely seeing how the others live. My life is very real…but how easily we forget that others’ lives are just as real. Our circumstances are all so very different, but we all share the same bit of earth. Sometimes that is so hard to see since we are so geographically separate. Think about your neighborhood, friends, work, CHURCH…. Are we with people that are like us? How much diversity do we actually see? Certainly we will gravitate towards people who are like us, but I think that makes us prima candidates for encapsulation. The door out into the rainy sidewalk is like a window into reality sometimes for me.

With the rain comes a reminder that the roof here is in desperate need of repair. I spend a good little while spreading out the old plastic ice cream buckets to catch the dripping. My time living in Cabin 9 taught me about how strategic fan placement can dry a floor out pretty well, so I put that into action too.

I haven’t had any migrants in here tonight. I can only hope that the Border Patrol saw the horrible weather and decided to keep the people until it cleared up a bit. That would be good of them since there really is nowhere for people to go after 12 or so. When I got here, there was a woman named Elva here waiting with her two daughters. The girls were sleeping on mats in the corner. Hermila, the woman who is here before me on Saturdays, said that she had been there since 8:00 AM waiting for the Border Patrol to release her husband, Fidel Alvarez. As of 8:00 PM there was still no word. Elva took her daughters to a Casa de Hospedaje for the night, leaving a note and some money for her husband when he is finally released.

Correction, I just had a few migrants pass by, 4 entered: 2 women and two girls. The one woman was in custody for 14 hours, the other for over 24. Neither were given anything to eat. They don’t complain about it to me, I actually have to pry to find out. They just assume that they were breaking the law and so whatever they get they deserve. I am afraid that the Border Patrol abuses this mindset. It seems to depend on who is working that night though. Some nights the migrants say the Patrolla was just fine. They gave them food and treated them well. Other nights, it is a completely different story. What could drive someone to care so little about another human being as to deprive them food? I can’t help but think of the Standford Prison Study. It is amazing what that sort of situation can do to someone’s psyche: be it from the migrant OR officer’s side. The power or subordination determines how you will react. If you aren’t familiar with the study, look it up. It was headed by Philip Zimbardo… whose name I probably misspelled.

Today’s proverb was Proverbs 19. Verse 4 reads “Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will repay him for his deed.” This is just another of the constant reminders that it is Jesus we serve. I suppose I have it really easy being here at night when it is cool and calm. Being here in the hot daytime when the place is packed with migrants who, after 3 days in the desert sweating with no showers or hygiene of any kind available, aren’t smelling so great and are all in this small, badly ventilated storefront. Do not think well of me for my time here, but do remember in your prayers those who give their lives and time to those hot and wretched days in this resource center. I wish I were that strong.

Another thing that looking out into the night does is to remind me how it is to get sucked into one side of life and forget that we are all children, whether lost or found, of a loving God. The migrant is hopeless and aching, but that doesn’t make the diva headed to Metropolis any less deserving of the love of God. It seems too easy for us activist types to turn up a nose to those who have much in favor of those who have little, or to look at the situation as a good guys/bad guys sort of thing. It isn’t that. It is a horrible broken system which people have to adapt to. That is a good measuring stick I use to test why I am doing what I am doing. If it has just become a job, then I am not seeing people as Gods creations anymore. God loves the migrant. God loves the Diva. God loves the Aduana officer. God loves the Border Patrol agent. God loves the coyote. God loves the burnout…. God loves me.

I want to learn to love like He does.

"Umbrage"

A few months ago the guys at the CRREDA made a ladder for me at my request. Why? So I could pass my free time tanning on my roof. It relaxes me and gives me space from the world.... about 7-10 feet of space specifically. But it's just enough. Furthermore, I like to be tan. Actually, I hope to be able to do that this very afternoon.

Every few days when Yolanda gets home from work (I am usually home first), we go to the super blancos to get some snacks or groceries or just enjoy the A/C. Our conversations get deeper and deeper as we hang out in the evenings (forcing a grand expansion on my Spanish vocabulary). I feel quite comfortable with her. Yesterday we were talking about what defines beauty and I told her that in the U.S. we are taught by the media that beauty is skinny and tan. She said it is quite different in Mexico. Beauty is a little bit of weight ("muffining" as I recently learned... It means that you have a little pudge poofing out at the top of your jeans in a muffin like way...) and very pale skin. My interest in tanning makes absolutely no sense to them. She said to me that I am very beautiful in Mexico. I don't quite know how to respond to that. I dont know what to do when I am in social groups and the guys show and OBVIOUS preference for me. Especially when I know it is merely based on their idea of beauty. It is strange to think about... and horrible.... You can't win no matter where you live.

I am currently reading "Mountain of Spices" by Hannah Hurnard. It is quite timely as I am facing some recurring frustration with being unjustly wronged. The book allegorically speaks over and over about love and how love isn't based at all... or affected at all... by anothers reaction to you. It is comparing reeds blowing in the wind... how they are sturdy but just let the wind roll over you. How you learn to not even mind as you grow more and more like Christ. Ken Thompson used to always say to me "You gotta be a Duck Karis... just let it all roll off your back".
The chapter I am reading now, the characters name is "Umbrage", which I had to look up. It is now at the top of my vocab list. It talks about how her response to being wronged led her to choice after choice which slowly tanked her life... I have to be willing to follow the Shepherd and let the wind just roll on by. God is so much better and bigger. Back off and look at the big picture Karis!

Armed with this reminder I gave up to God my frustrations once again and immediately my eyes were opened once again to what matters.... Baseline importance: Gods love for humanity. EVERY one. Every interaction. Every blow received. Every person passed. All of them are his sheep... his children. As Mark would say, "brothers and sisters, created in the Divine Image."


I will be going to Hermosillo, capitol of Sonora, next week with a huge group from the US and Mexico. There will be bible school and work projects and so forth. It should be great. It will also be 115 degrees. Prayers for hydration and ability to sleep please.

I will be in Erie for a week at the end of June FYI.

I have some great pictures to add but no time at the moment. Be well and Godbless!

Odds and Ends

Hey there faithful readers... whom I hear exist. (ahem mom.... Jackie... etc...). I wanted to ask that You make some comments when you read. I would like to get an idea of who is reading and comments are great to read. Super easy to do and you don't need an account or anything. Just click under the post in the white area where it says "0 comments" or however many... lets aim for not zero. :)

Here are some random things that I find amusing. First of all is the progress of my Spanish. Thank you for anyone who has been praying about this. If you ever hear someone complaining about people in the US not speaking English, I give you full permission to slap them. It is NOT easy to fall into a new culture and have to change the process of your thoughts (because in order to master a language you have to have to have to THINK in that Language... in words you don't know... with verb conjugations you might remember from high school Spanish... and then there are idioms and colloquialisms, cause who wants to be that nerdy kid who never ever uses any slang? AND, if you don't know it you won't have any idea what anyone else is saying.... wow).
I feel more and more comfortable in this language. I can say without any reservations that I love it. Spanish flows so much more easily I think.

I had a lengthy conversation with my roommate Yolanda last night (Have I mentioned Yolis? She only speaks Spanish so it forces me to not slack off. You can't really live with someone in silence... well, I guess you can but wow... depressing). In any case it was great.

Joking in Spanish can be tricky but I am starting to be better with it. Today I was walking from the park and some guys at a construction site (ready for this?) started singing Pretty Woman in the sharpest Mexican Accents. Very Phonetic sounding.... well I just never look when people do that. It happens all the time. It was hard to keep a straight face though! WELL there was a vendor nearby who said to me in Spanish that they were singing to me and we had a little discussion where I tried to convince him that no no, they were singing to HIM. It was pretty funny. Anyone who knows me know I can't live without humor. This is a breath of fresh air!

Thats about it for now. Nothing spectacular... OH but if you are interested in trying Just Coffee, Let me know and I will see what I can do to send you a little to try. It is really tasty. Strong coffeehouse type though. Folgers lovers need not apply!




This is my roommate Leisha and our friend Neftali.

THIS is Vickis Pazole.... doesn't look like much but wow.... I mean... wow.

Me and Leisha outside Cafe Justo. Just for the record, it is where the Cifuentes family lives too, so we aren't just hanging around a coffee roastery all the time. :)
This is me and Louis at a church picnic on Easter Sunday. Louis is in the Mexican military and yet one of the nicest most hilarious people I know here. PS I am not pregnant.... it.s just the shirt.

This is me and Yolis and Marks Daughter Anna Flor at Mark and Miriams house.



Another interesting thing I learned. Around here the wife doesn't customarily take the Husbands name. This totally threw me off for awhile. We were getting mail for Miriam Maladona... I was like WHO is that. And Mark said "Um... my wife?" ... Oh. haha

Anyways, the weather is great here. Lots of wind lately which is annoying. Dust in the eyes etc... but all is wonderful. Leisha gets back from Puebla on Wednesday and Next Saturday is a movie in the park. Dave and Katies wedding is in about a month which should be a good time... I think I will go crazy having no Spanish music and speaking only English. My English has actually gotten worse. Once your grammar construction changes there is no coming back. Ha ha

ANYWAY, Pop quiz.... what are you going to do now?

A. Gorge on Lucky Charms
B. Become a Vegitarian
C. Watch a movie in Spanish
D. Comment on my Blog
E. All of the Above

ALL good choices. I will leave you to decide.

Shao!

Newspaper Excerpt

From the Douglas Daily Dispatch:


Article entitled "Fence up, but will it work?"

"... The Secure Fence Act of 2006 was approved with the intent of preventing immigrants from illegally entering the United States. Local property owners along the border, a government official and representatives of border watch groups agree that the fence can be climbed. Some people are critical of the project, but others are optimistic."


so in case you were wondering, the fence CAN be climbed.... the migrants in the US currently have not, in fact, teleported into our country.

Thus noted.

Human Trafficking

The other night at the Resource Center, some Central Americans were sitting trying to decide what to do next. Central Americans have it REALLY rough though, because once The US repatriates them into Mexico, then Mexico grabs them and ships them further south. Well so the Resource Center is a safe zone and the Policia Federal isn't allowed to enter, however the migrants can't sit in there forever. Eventually the Migrants emerged and were escorted over to the Migration Office Next door.

A few days ago things were shuffled and the coyotes and polleros, who guide people through the desert for fees in the neighborhood of 1000US a person, have shifted where they park. Now their vans are right behind our building, conveniently picking up repatriated and deported migrants to re-pay and give crossing another try. It isnt unusual to see migrants pass out building, still putting their shoelaces back in from their visit with the Migra, pulling out a cell phone to call their pollero. That sort of work is illegal in Mexico in theory... that doesn't really mean much. Coyotes and Polleros are NOT allowed in the resource center, though they do try to drum up business there. We know they are there though... always...

So the door to Mexican Migration opens and out comes the Policia Federal with the migrants from Central America... and he takes them to the parking lot.... where he loads them into a coyotes van.

take a moment to think about that... decide what just happened....

The Policia Federal just made a chunk of change selling the central American family to a coyote to take to the US to sell to any of a number of buyers. Human Trafficking. It is just that frequent. And the corruption is everywhere. This is one of the many reasons that USA solutions don't work in Mexico.... a lot of them rely on laws and hierarchy's and so forth. What do you do in this situation? Call the police? .... exactly.

My prayers are with that family tonight.

Some Pictures

Migra... or Border Patrol... in the Middle of the Desert. When we walk into the desert on the Mexican side to the wall... well, drive for about a half hour, then walk... to get an idea of how long migrants walk.... the migra is there to see why we are there within about 15 minutes thanks to all of the camera towers in the desert. I am tempted to belittle the Border Patrol, but the truth is that they are an government organization that is caught in the middle of a broken system. Meanwhile our taxes pay for it all.... they need to buy new vehicles about every 6 months according to an officer I spoke to last week, due to desert wear and tear. Think SUVs + gas + always running + all along the border + paychecks + towers + ground radar + night vision.... and that doesnt even scrape the surface. Ouch.
This verse is on a wall I pass when I take the Ruletero (schoolbus turned city bus) across town. Its a constant reminder of why I am here.
These Crosses are part of a tuesday night vigil to remember those who have died crossing the desert. Hundreds of all ages in hopes of achieving the American Dream. It is sad to me to hold a cross with a name on it... of a real person... a son.. or daughter... with dreams and memories and loves... who lay dying alone in the desert. I don't care who you are or what you are doing. You don't deserve to die that way.
Another Beautiful sunset in AP.
This is part of the wall in the desert that crosses a riverbed. In the rainy season this is a raging river... hard to believe from what you see there. Every year the wall is washed out by the water. They try something new every year. Looks like this year they gave up and just put up steel beams. The impacts of the wall on nature have been horrible from animal migration to movement of water and destroying protected areas by bringing in all the wall making equipment. I have heard that under the wall there is around 10 feet deep of cement also. Tunneling is out. But as my friend Miguel from the CRREDA says "Nature doesn't want the wall separating people." Interesting thought.

This is the Sunset on Valentines day, "Dia de Amor y Amistad" (Day of love and friendship... I like it a lot better here!) from the roof of our apartment.This is the Wall in AP. There is about a 15 foot ditch on the other side of it. It is right along The road "International". I am on it daily taking my bike back and forth. It is not uncommon to see people jump it right there. The other night abound 12:30 Leisha and I passed 2 different groups of late teen age people in black prepping to hop it right there.
This is a Map of the desert outside Nogales. The red dots indicate where Human Remains or bodies were found in the desert- sometimes from being attacked, assaulted, robbed and murdered but most times because of dehydration.